Archive for March, 2010

Ice Cube + Ice T = Refreshing Drink

by James on Mar.31, 2010, under rando calrissian

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This machine can be found next to the DJ Pooh dispenser, the rolling Nate Dogg display, and the soft-serve Vanilla Ice.

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‘Free Range’ is Getting Out of Hand

by James on Mar.26, 2010, under rando calrissian

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oh the humanity, er, poultry

I know the highway in the rain isn’t really the most sanitary place for raw chickens, but look at the inside of that truck. You should probably bleach your eyes after just driving past it. That conjunctivitis can get airborne, you know. (i don’t know.)

But good thing the driver brought a pitchfork along. Otherwise, 2,000 chickens would take forever to clean up.

Actually, these look like ducks. Either way, they taste pretty much the same to me.

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American Porisu Ruv Eat Rong Time. They so Fat!

by James on Mar.22, 2010, under kids today

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Several things to note about this picture. 1.) The Japanese in red under the title is simply the title spelled phonetically: “A-me-ri-ka-n Po-ri-su.” 2.) The setting seems to be a fast food joint, yet many actual fast food restaurants are represented. Look closely: there’s mostly McDonald’s, but also Carl’s Jr. an A&W Root Beer, and a freaking taco for Shinto’s sake. 3.) What cop puts their nightstick ON the pile of french fries while they eat? And finally: 4.) How could this be a serial magazine? “Ret’s have article and article every month-u about fat and stupid Amerikan porisu. They so fat!” It can’t be done.

And, why am I writing so racistly? Simply because the magazine is obviously racist. I’ll be in Tokyo next month. If you’re there and you have a complaint, find me and I’ll straighten you out.

With my fists, in case that wasn’t clear.

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Protestors definitely angry about something, they’re not sure what

by James on Mar.18, 2010, under open your eyes

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It’s too bad that in today’s society, all one needs to protest anything is some paper and a box of markers. Which, ironically, is all homeless people need to beg for money or work. And in double secret irony, the homeless, armed with the same supplies as this woman on the right who hasn’t done her homework, are actually advocating a shift from exchange-value labor to use-value labor. And probably just as unknowingly, I might add.

Funny, too, how you don’t need a license OR a dictionary to procreate. (In my opinion, she could probably do with a good pubic option from time to time.)

But.

I’m not a political scientist. I can, however, read things [dictionaries]. Don’t listen to me, though. Listen to the Dixie Chicks. They read stuff, too. Or Jim Carrey’s wife, the brilliant medical philosopher Jenny McCarthy.

Or this guy:

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man hates juice.

I know, right? Especially “orange” after just brushing my teeth. And the way it controls the media.

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