Tag: animals

What I think is most interesting to note in the video above, is that almost no one seems to care. Someone gets on their phone, all, “Yeah, I’m on the 6 Train. Oh, nothing much. There’s a dude cuddling a chicken. Let’s do Chinese for dinner tonight.” Because knowing Chinatown’s the only place in New York where you could get a live chicken. It’s not like Chick-fil-A gets live chickens shipped to them in coops; the last one always running around at the back of the truck…

And I love how at about 1:00 there’s a guy who runs into the car as the doors are closing and almost steps on the dude’s head. You know he picked the wrong car then. Seeing a dude molest a live chicken on your commute is sort of a wrap on the day. You need to go home and call your mom.

Get a coop, you too.

In the above article, it says the owners were “stunned” to find their cat, Sal, had been summoned for jury duty. But they listed him as a member of the household on their census.

Come on! We all love our pets. But, here’s a tip: any time you start to think your pet is different from other people’s, or you think they’re unique or smarter than other pets like them, just say to yourself, “They’re f**king pets. I bought them. They’re just possessions of mine like my coffee table or my shoes.” And you should be fine.

Now, I know this seems to be some sort of paperwork screw up, but I still feel like it could have been avoided.

Also, people get compensated when they have to miss work and go to jury duty. But do you get time off to take your cat to court? I doubt it. That’s like getting paternity leave for getting my secretary pregnant.

It’s Dillie the Deer

This 5-year-old deer was rescued by the lady in the picture, veterinarian Melanie Butera in Ohio, when she was only 3 days old. She was emaciated and had vision problems, and probably wasn’t going to live much longer. So, this crazy cat lady brought the deer home for rehab, and decided to just keep it.

I should stop. When you hear her talk, the vet actually doesn’t sound like quite the crazy cat lady I thought she was going to be. However, she also doesn’t seem to realize that Dillie the Deer will eventually throw herself in front of a car on the interstate. I mean, that’s what deer do.

Dillie wears a GPS collar so she won’t go too far, and probably so people will hesitate before shooting. But how can you blame them? Let’s face it: she does look delicious.

And while the video below is predictably rife with puns and over-enthusiasm, the damned thing is kinda cute.

The Service Gator

The internet may have produced one of the best sites ever.

I’ve always wondered about taxidermy, specifically; things like, “Why keep the carcass of a dead animal in your house?” Does a deer’s head on the wall bring you fond memories that time you got up at 3am and sat in the cold for four hours with urine on your boots and gangrene on your toes?

But the idea of having an animal preserved for a humorous purpose sort of changes everything.

Although most of the poor critters on this site are squirrels, there are some actual disturbing examples of the creativity of the human mind, combined with the will of taxidermists to do things for money.

Think if you were the squirrel who invented the cure for squirrel cancer, and accidentally got run over and then preserved like this. Kinda puts your whole life in perspective.

Incidentally, if you’ve ever wondered about reincarnation, pray to whatever you pray to that it doesn’t exist. Or at least try to be a better person in life. Because I’m pretty sure if  you’re bad, you either come back as one of these poor creatures, or you come back as one of Paris Hilton’s pets. Either way, you’re stuck doing something you’d rather not.

The moral of this site is: just be nice. See the rest of the site.