Tag: art

Millennium Falcon Guitar Rocks Your Space Off

by James on Jul.21, 2010, under actual gadget, colossal waste of time, kids today

Artist Builds Working Millennium Falcon Electric Guitar from Vintage Star Wars Toy

Only drawback is flawed hyper drive.

The Millennium Falcon guitar. It was inevitable. I mean, look at the size of that vintage toy. Who got that for Christmas? Maybe Donald Trump’s kids get GIGANTIC models of movie toys for special occasions. Maybe Ted Turner’s kids. But seriously. I mean, look at that thing! And now, this guy ruined it by making into a guitar. RUINED! It is SO not in mint condition anymore. It has been significantly DEvalued.

Artist Travis S. has been building custom guitars with his father since he was in high school. Plus, he’s also an avid fan of the Star Wars series (hopefully just IV – VI). So, it was only natural for him to combine his two passions at some point. Because the guitar is electric, making the body out of a toy does not affect the sound. But he did have to add a maple support beam down the back of the toy so it could withstand the tension of the guitar’s strings. He’s also fitted it with blue LEDs supported by their own batteries.

I sort of hope this guitar snaps at the first strum. A guitar’s bass string pulls about 20 lbs. “If I leeeeeeave here tomorr-SNAP!” What a bastardization this is. Shameful. It would be okay if maybe this artist organized a whole band of Star Wars-looking dudes, and one guy plays a Tie-Fighter, and one guy an X-Wing, and one guy has like a gold bass made to look like those stupid Naboo ships from Episode I. The guy on the drums would have that upside-down droid who’s being branded in Jaba’s palace. Then a dude dressed like Chewbacca could be their roadie, sent to fix the hyper drive when it fails on stage.

We Americans can’t have nice things. It’s only a matter of time before someone disgraces Lord of the Rings by making bridal gowns to like clothes from Rivendell . (DOH!) Or Terminator red LED bluetooth headsets. Or Leaving Las Vegas brand vodka. The Passion of the Christ thorn hats. Little Miss Sunshine stripper outfits for girls 10 and under. Silence of the Lambs bacon.

I could go on.

Unless you’re Billy Gibbons, respect epic legends; even if they are just movies that got lucky. Or don’t. Just know you’ll be mocked on the Internet either way.

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American Porisu Ruv Eat Rong Time. They so Fat!

by James on Mar.22, 2010, under kids today

click for full size

Several things to note about this picture. 1.) The Japanese in red under the title is simply the title spelled phonetically: “A-me-ri-ka-n Po-ri-su.” 2.) The setting seems to be a fast food joint, yet many actual fast food restaurants are represented. Look closely: there’s mostly McDonald’s, but also Carl’s Jr. an A&W Root Beer, and a freaking taco for Shinto’s sake. 3.) What cop puts their nightstick ON the pile of french fries while they eat? And finally: 4.) How could this be a serial magazine? “Ret’s have article and article every month-u about fat and stupid Amerikan porisu. They so fat!” It can’t be done.

And, why am I writing so racistly? Simply because the magazine is obviously racist. I’ll be in Tokyo next month. If you’re there and you have a complaint, find me and I’ll straighten you out.

With my fists, in case that wasn’t clear.

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Salt Labyrinths, where bad ants go when they die

by James on Feb.10, 2010, under colossal waste of time

This is the art of a crazy person. I doubt you’ll be seeing these in the Sunday paper next to the jumble.

Made by carefully moving individual grains of salt, Motoi Yamamoto painstakingly creates gigantic labyrinths as a way of accessing old memories deep inside his mind. He’s one of Japan’s most famous artists, and one of few (what? there’s more?) who work only with salt. He sits cross-legged for hours and hours, tracing his way through his own memories, claiming he can’t reach them until the labyrinth is complete. He also wears his deceased mother’s dirty socks and listens to John Cougar Mellencamp records. (Okay, so I made that last part up.) Here’s his site.

A former dock worker, Yamamoto believes in the cycle of life and insists that when his installations are complete, all the salt be returned to the ocean where it can continue it’s life.

Ever spill salt on the table in a restaurant, by accident or on purpose, and think to yourself, “Hey, this gives me an idea. I want to devote my life to making enormous mazes from salt that no one can solve and which will eventually make me go blind.” No. Because nobody decides their artistic medium is salt.

These photos aren’t ‘shopped. Sadly.

Now go draw something with a crayon like a regular person, and be thankful you’ve got all your marbles.

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