Tag: fail

Protestors definitely angry about something, they’re not sure what

by James on Mar.18, 2010, under open your eyes

click for full size

It’s too bad that in today’s society, all one needs to protest anything is some paper and a box of markers. Which, ironically, is all homeless people need to beg for money or work. And in double secret irony, the homeless, armed with the same supplies as this woman on the right who hasn’t done her homework, are actually advocating a shift from exchange-value labor to use-value labor. And probably just as unknowingly, I might add.

Funny, too, how you don’t need a license OR a dictionary to procreate. (In my opinion, she could probably do with a good pubic option from time to time.)

But.

I’m not a political scientist. I can, however, read things [dictionaries]. Don’t listen to me, though. Listen to the Dixie Chicks. They read stuff, too. Or Jim Carrey’s wife, the brilliant medical philosopher Jenny McCarthy.

Or this guy:

click for full size

man hates juice.

I know, right? Especially “orange” after just brushing my teeth. And the way it controls the media.

Comments Off more...

Boing boing, uh, boing. And, boing boing.

by James on Feb.15, 2010, under actual celebrity, who cares, you can't turn away

Bicha MudaI’m sure this transvestite sounds great in other interviews. I’m sure she just had a cold or something. Als0, I don’t speak a word of Portuguese, even though it’s apparently a romance language like Spanish, but I’m pretty sure she’s saying the same things over and over to each question.


“Who are you wearing this evening?”
“Boing boing.”
“What inspired you to be a superstar?”
“Uh, boing boing, and boing. Oh! And, boing boing.”

Don’t get me wrong; be whoever you want to be.  I’m all for the freedom of personal expression.

But.

If you’re going to do an interview on television, just maybe wait until your oestrogen, progesterone, or your ethinyloestradiol or whatever vocal chord scraping you’re having done as started working. Just an idea. Also, maybe learn to speak the language you’re being interviewed in.


Or have C3-PO translate for you while you say the same things over and over.
“…Because he’s holding a thermal detonator!”

Comments Off more...

Rap about whatever, just save the damned princess

by James on Feb.12, 2010, under colossal waste of time, kids today

super mario for original gameboy

Continuing with the techno theme, here’s a rap about the narrative of Super Mario Land for the Gameboy. As if this needed…anything. Anything at all.

But, the rap’s pretty funny. It’s slightly NSFW, but only if your boss is a dick.

I remember beating this game in its original format and thinking to myself many of the issues this song brings up.

Come.

Join me on a journey into the mind.

Enjoy the song below and then go back to work. Your co-workers miss you.



Comments Off more...

My 10 Favorite Faceplants

by James on Jan.30, 2010, under kids today, you can't turn away

I’m a big fan of people hurting themselves. Especially stupid people. And the best way for a stupid person to hurt themselves is to faceplant. It’s almost like proof of Darwinian evolution. Dumbasses simply hurt (and kill) themselves more often than smart people.

sack race face plant

I’ve compiled a collection of videos that should bring a smile to the lips of anyone in favor of thinning the herd.

Enjoy.

10. The Stunt Faceplant

Excluding skateboards, this faceplant counts whenever anyone is on bicycles, skis, snowboards, rollerblades–anything man wasn’t meant to call a ‘vehicle.’ (Skateboards are different.) AND, building your own ramp out of mud isn’t necessarily a bad idea, but maybe build it closer to the lake.

9. The Martial Arts Expert Faceplant

Almost like the weightlifting faceplant, the martial arts faceplant always makes one wonder, “why were you filming yourself?”

8. The Drunken Faceplant

Look out for the dog!…Look out for the Coronado Stone!…Look out for the disk golf net!…Oh, and if you’re gonna drink, maybe don’t ride your bike.

7. The Party Trickster Faceplant

This actually combines two of my favorite faceplant genres: trampolines and the party trickster. Ever been at a party and had someone call for quiet while they performed a trick that turned into an injury (or at the very least turned out to not be as cool as all the hype suggested)? I have. But it’s never turned into a faceplant. That usually happens on the trampoline all by itself.

6. The Trampoline Faceplant

Not exactly a faceplant, but just close enough. Some people only have the discipline to practice things that will never get them anywhere in real life.

5. The Pool Faceplant

If only there were more drowning deaths from faceplants…caught on film. (He actually didn’t die, but keep giving your teens camcorders.)

4. The Fat-plant

Like the little Asian man in “The Hangover” says, some things are just funnier when people are fat.

3. The Baby Faceplant

Nothing’s cuter than underdeveloped motor skills. Until somebody faceplants.

2. The Skateboard Faceplant

Whenever I see kids skateboarding, I try to see if they’re filming themselves. Because if they are, someone is definitely going to faceplant. What did this kid think was supposed to happen? And does he have a rubber spine?

1. The Karmic Faceplant

Although rarely seen in the wild, this beautiful creature will sometimes appear when one least expects it, but at exactly the right time.

1 Comment more...

Ooo, Delicious Can. My Favorite.

by James on Jan.28, 2010, under actual gadget, who cares

delicious can

I’m glad to see this is still on the market…somewhere. Gag candy in a can. Because that’s how everyone eats candy. Not bars, not bags, but cans. I wonder if they make a fake box of meat, or canned bacon. Or a loaf of spaghetti. Any of these common products would be great for the spring-ing snake prank. But this company’s not even trying. “Delicious Can?” Come on. Just call it “Super Taste” or “Stomach Fill.”

Listen to reason.

Jokes.com
Paul F. Tompkins – Old Prank
comedians.comedycentral.com
Joke of the Day Stand-Up Comedy Free Online Games

Comments Off more...

-->