Tag: humiliation

Ever played TWISTER? Here’s why.

by James on Mar.08, 2010, under kids today

For my birthday once, I thought it would be funny to play Twister all night. And it was. But not limited to the reasons I initially thought.

Of course it was fun to play an old school board game with a bunch of post-college aged adults, but it was also fun for all of the reasons illustrated in this video, and everyone knows it.

When do you get to pelvic thrust your best friends with impunity? Never, except when you’re really drunk and/or playing Truth or Dare. And those things are rare. Twister is an ever-ready way to break it off with a seemingly innocent motive.

Everyone was like, “Hey, you know, it’s his birthday and this is what he wanted to do.”

If only that worked for like skinny dipping or something.

Anyway, until then, thank you Twister and your making of awkward experiences a teensy bit less awkward.

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Boing boing, uh, boing. And, boing boing.

by James on Feb.15, 2010, under actual celebrity, who cares, you can't turn away

Bicha MudaI’m sure this transvestite sounds great in other interviews. I’m sure she just had a cold or something. Als0, I don’t speak a word of Portuguese, even though it’s apparently a romance language like Spanish, but I’m pretty sure she’s saying the same things over and over to each question.

“Who are you wearing this evening?”
“Boing boing.”
“What inspired you to be a superstar?”
“Uh, boing boing, and boing. Oh! And, boing boing.”

Don’t get me wrong; be whoever you want to be.  I’m all for the freedom of personal expression.


If you’re going to do an interview on television, just maybe wait until your oestrogen, progesterone, or your ethinyloestradiol or whatever vocal chord scraping you’re having done as started working. Just an idea. Also, maybe learn to speak the language you’re being interviewed in.

Or have C3-PO translate for you while you say the same things over and over.
“…Because he’s holding a thermal detonator!”

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Burn! We’ll Do It Live!

by James on Feb.06, 2010, under open your eyes

fuck it! We'll do it Live!

This is awesome. You’re welcome. For everyone who retweets/reposts, there’ll be two lines: girls on my left for make-outs, dudes on my right for high-fives.

Regardless of who you like, what party you affiliate with, or to whom your prostrate yourselves, David Letterman is a smart guy. He’s like the Triumph the Insult Comic Dog of late night television: you can’t win. He will get you. David Foster Wallace was right, and there’s no denying it.

The clip below is Bill O’Reilly on Letterman’s show. They’re talking about Rush Limbaugh, whether or not he’s the right voice to represent conservative thought, until about 3:27, and then BAM!

Letterman burns him. BUUUUURN!!!1!

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My 10 Favorite Faceplants

by James on Jan.30, 2010, under kids today, you can't turn away

I’m a big fan of people hurting themselves. Especially stupid people. And the best way for a stupid person to hurt themselves is to faceplant. It’s almost like proof of Darwinian evolution. Dumbasses simply hurt (and kill) themselves more often than smart people.

sack race face plant

I’ve compiled a collection of videos that should bring a smile to the lips of anyone in favor of thinning the herd.


10. The Stunt Faceplant

Excluding skateboards, this faceplant counts whenever anyone is on bicycles, skis, snowboards, rollerblades–anything man wasn’t meant to call a ‘vehicle.’ (Skateboards are different.) AND, building your own ramp out of mud isn’t necessarily a bad idea, but maybe build it closer to the lake.

9. The Martial Arts Expert Faceplant

Almost like the weightlifting faceplant, the martial arts faceplant always makes one wonder, “why were you filming yourself?”

8. The Drunken Faceplant

Look out for the dog!…Look out for the Coronado Stone!…Look out for the disk golf net!…Oh, and if you’re gonna drink, maybe don’t ride your bike.

7. The Party Trickster Faceplant

This actually combines two of my favorite faceplant genres: trampolines and the party trickster. Ever been at a party and had someone call for quiet while they performed a trick that turned into an injury (or at the very least turned out to not be as cool as all the hype suggested)? I have. But it’s never turned into a faceplant. That usually happens on the trampoline all by itself.

6. The Trampoline Faceplant

Not exactly a faceplant, but just close enough. Some people only have the discipline to practice things that will never get them anywhere in real life.

5. The Pool Faceplant

If only there were more drowning deaths from faceplants…caught on film. (He actually didn’t die, but keep giving your teens camcorders.)

4. The Fat-plant

Like the little Asian man in “The Hangover” says, some things are just funnier when people are fat.

3. The Baby Faceplant

Nothing’s cuter than underdeveloped motor skills. Until somebody faceplants.

2. The Skateboard Faceplant

Whenever I see kids skateboarding, I try to see if they’re filming themselves. Because if they are, someone is definitely going to faceplant. What did this kid think was supposed to happen? And does he have a rubber spine?

1. The Karmic Faceplant

Although rarely seen in the wild, this beautiful creature will sometimes appear when one least expects it, but at exactly the right time.

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This is funny to me.

by James on Jan.22, 2010, under kids today, who cares, you can't turn away

pants on the ground

And if you don’t get the reference:

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