Tag: mockery

Six Seasons and they’re all still LOST?

by James on Apr.02, 2010, under colossal waste of time, kids today, who cares

I’m sure I’ll eventually hear about what happened at the end of LOST, since LOST fans NEVER STOP TALKING ABOUT LOST. But come on: sometimes the show is funny. And you know it.

This is a Sawyer “Son of a bitch” montage. I don’t know if these clips are in chronological order, but I don’t care THAT much. I just hope he keeps saying it for the rest of the series. It makes him look tough.

Like a cowboy.

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American Porisu Ruv Eat Rong Time. They so Fat!

by James on Mar.22, 2010, under kids today

click for full size

Several things to note about this picture. 1.) The Japanese in red under the title is simply the title spelled phonetically: “A-me-ri-ka-n Po-ri-su.” 2.) The setting seems to be a fast food joint, yet many actual fast food restaurants are represented. Look closely: there’s mostly McDonald’s, but also Carl’s Jr. an A&W Root Beer, and a freaking taco for Shinto’s sake. 3.) What cop puts their nightstick ON the pile of french fries while they eat? And finally: 4.) How could this be a serial magazine? “Ret’s have article and article every month-u about fat and stupid Amerikan porisu. They so fat!” It can’t be done.

And, why am I writing so racistly? Simply because the magazine is obviously racist. I’ll be in Tokyo next month. If you’re there and you have a complaint, find me and I’ll straighten you out.

With my fists, in case that wasn’t clear.

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Burn! We’ll Do It Live!

by James on Feb.06, 2010, under open your eyes

fuck it! We'll do it Live!

This is awesome. You’re welcome. For everyone who retweets/reposts, there’ll be two lines: girls on my left for make-outs, dudes on my right for high-fives.

Regardless of who you like, what party you affiliate with, or to whom your prostrate yourselves, David Letterman is a smart guy. He’s like the Triumph the Insult Comic Dog of late night television: you can’t win. He will get you. David Foster Wallace was right, and there’s no denying it.

The clip below is Bill O’Reilly on Letterman’s show. They’re talking about Rush Limbaugh, whether or not he’s the right voice to represent conservative thought, until about 3:27, and then BAM!

Letterman burns him. BUUUUURN!!!1!

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Ooo, Delicious Can. My Favorite.

by James on Jan.28, 2010, under actual gadget, who cares

delicious can

I’m glad to see this is still on the market…somewhere. Gag candy in a can. Because that’s how everyone eats candy. Not bars, not bags, but cans. I wonder if they make a fake box of meat, or canned bacon. Or a loaf of spaghetti. Any of these common products would be great for the spring-ing snake prank. But this company’s not even trying. “Delicious Can?” Come on. Just call it “Super Taste” or “Stomach Fill.”

Listen to reason.

Paul F. Tompkins – Old Prank
Joke of the Day Stand-Up Comedy Free Online Games

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He really is terrible

by James on Jan.13, 2010, under open your eyes

kimmel vs leno

Is America being punked?

Does anyone remember when Jay Leno WAS funny? No. I always believed Bill Hicks’ prediction that Leno would have a sudden realization that his life was a joke in the middle of a show one night, while interviewing either Joey Lawrence, or Patrick Duffy. He’d just start shaking his head, then put a 9mm in his mouth, and blow his worthless brains out all over the fake backdrop.

Kimmel, who also writes a lot of his own material, does a great job here, as always.

Incidentally, assuming what I’ve read is correct, and assuming I’ve interpreted it correctly, Conan stands to make $20M from his contract no matter when or where his show is aired. If he moves to Fox, and they pay him $10M, NBC will STILL have to pay him $10M to fulfill their end of the contract.

And since when is Leno funnier than Conan?

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