Tag: music

An afternoon with Tommy

by James on May.25, 2011, under colossal waste of time, kids today

Yes, his leg is missing.

Among the things I do with my dog besides taking him to the beach, loving on him and irritating him in equal amounts, and posing him for a picture with a knife in his mouth, is recording his barking and howling.

So.

I downloaded a program called PaulStretch that can take audio and stretch or shorten it without losing sound quality, among other things. Then, I recorded Tommy barking and howling, and manipulated what I got.

Enjoy.

This is a normal bark:

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This is the same bark at 20x the length:

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Here’s a longer bark at normal speed:

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Here’s the same bark, but 50x its normal speed; almost a minute long (and force yourself to listen to the whole thing, because it is creeeeeepy):

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Okay, this one’s a howl (how I got him to do that is my secret):

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The same howl at 5x (it’s like a horror movie sound effect):

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And my personal favorites, these are the same howls at regular speed,

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then at 25x PLUS! I autotuned it to sound like several dogs at once (you might pay money to listen to that during a shiatsu massage):

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Millennium Falcon Guitar Rocks Your Space Off

by James on Jul.21, 2010, under actual gadget, colossal waste of time, kids today

Artist Builds Working Millennium Falcon Electric Guitar from Vintage Star Wars Toy

Only drawback is flawed hyper drive.

The Millennium Falcon guitar. It was inevitable. I mean, look at the size of that vintage toy. Who got that for Christmas? Maybe Donald Trump’s kids get GIGANTIC models of movie toys for special occasions. Maybe Ted Turner’s kids. But seriously. I mean, look at that thing! And now, this guy ruined it by making into a guitar. RUINED! It is SO not in mint condition anymore. It has been significantly DEvalued.

Artist Travis S. has been building custom guitars with his father since he was in high school. Plus, he’s also an avid fan of the Star Wars series (hopefully just IV – VI). So, it was only natural for him to combine his two passions at some point. Because the guitar is electric, making the body out of a toy does not affect the sound. But he did have to add a maple support beam down the back of the toy so it could withstand the tension of the guitar’s strings. He’s also fitted it with blue LEDs supported by their own batteries.

I sort of hope this guitar snaps at the first strum. A guitar’s bass string pulls about 20 lbs. “If I leeeeeeave here tomorr-SNAP!” What a bastardization this is. Shameful. It would be okay if maybe this artist organized a whole band of Star Wars-looking dudes, and one guy plays a Tie-Fighter, and one guy an X-Wing, and one guy has like a gold bass made to look like those stupid Naboo ships from Episode I. The guy on the drums would have that upside-down droid who’s being branded in Jaba’s palace. Then a dude dressed like Chewbacca could be their roadie, sent to fix the hyper drive when it fails on stage.

We Americans can’t have nice things. It’s only a matter of time before someone disgraces Lord of the Rings by making bridal gowns to like clothes from Rivendell . (DOH!) Or Terminator red LED bluetooth headsets. Or Leaving Las Vegas brand vodka. The Passion of the Christ thorn hats. Little Miss Sunshine stripper outfits for girls 10 and under. Silence of the Lambs bacon.

I could go on.

Unless you’re Billy Gibbons, respect epic legends; even if they are just movies that got lucky. Or don’t. Just know you’ll be mocked on the Internet either way.

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I ❤ Asian Television

by James on Apr.07, 2010, under kids today, who cares

If you wait until this kid gets to the singing part, around 1:00, and stick with him until he really gets into it, 2:00, you’ll feel just like you were back in the 9th grade making out with Bethany Wilson in the dark at Judy Haynes’ birthday party.

I wish there was some sort of blind listening contest you could do with this clip. Let someone tell you it’s Whitney Houston’s daughter singing, or something. You would totally believe it until you saw the Thai Jackie Gleason in the tuxedo.

Also note: he clearly says “Whitney Houston, ‘I will always love you,’” which we all know is true, but the title card says “Dolly Parton.” We all look alike to them, too. I knew it. They can’t even tell black folk from white folk.

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Start next nightmare in 3, 2…

by James on Mar.05, 2010, under kids today, you can't turn away

It’s hard to believe that pageants like these still exist, but apparently they do. And, coincidentally, I’ve long held a theory that any horror movie can be made twice as scary simply by adding a young child to the cast, or even just to the preview.

Get this girl’s headshots ready. There’s a summer thriller with her name on it.

Now, again, I don’t speak Portuguese at all, but here’s what I imagine the judge is saying just before this tiny monster begins to perform her Lady Gaga abomination: “Are you ready to devour the souls of the wicked? Yeah? What’s your costume made of? The bones of fornicators? The sinew of thieves? Great! My chair’s made of human skeletons. Well, break a leg!”

Then she does in sort of a Milton’s Paradise Lost kind of way.

Childrens’ pageants always make me think of that Mr. Show sketch about the pre-natal pageant; where they refer to the four-year-old as the “old baby,” and they talk to the in utero cosmetologist who gives the fetus makeup and plastic surgery. Classic.

This happens to be real, though. Start the apocalypse. We should all be ready by now.

Damn.


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This is funny to me.

by James on Jan.22, 2010, under kids today, who cares, you can't turn away

pants on the ground

And if you don’t get the reference:



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