Tag: television

I ❤ Asian Television

by James on Apr.07, 2010, under kids today, who cares

If you wait until this kid gets to the singing part, around 1:00, and stick with him until he really gets into it, 2:00, you’ll feel just like you were back in the 9th grade making out with Bethany Wilson in the dark at Judy Haynes’ birthday party.

I wish there was some sort of blind listening contest you could do with this clip. Let someone tell you it’s Whitney Houston’s daughter singing, or something. You would totally believe it until you saw the Thai Jackie Gleason in the tuxedo.

Also note: he clearly says “Whitney Houston, ‘I will always love you,’” which we all know is true, but the title card says “Dolly Parton.” We all look alike to them, too. I knew it. They can’t even tell black folk from white folk.

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Six Seasons and they’re all still LOST?

by James on Apr.02, 2010, under colossal waste of time, kids today, who cares

I’m sure I’ll eventually hear about what happened at the end of LOST, since LOST fans NEVER STOP TALKING ABOUT LOST. But come on: sometimes the show is funny. And you know it.

This is a Sawyer “Son of a bitch” montage. I don’t know if these clips are in chronological order, but I don’t care THAT much. I just hope he keeps saying it for the rest of the series. It makes him look tough.

Like a cowboy.

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Start next nightmare in 3, 2…

by James on Mar.05, 2010, under kids today, you can't turn away

It’s hard to believe that pageants like these still exist, but apparently they do. And, coincidentally, I’ve long held a theory that any horror movie can be made twice as scary simply by adding a young child to the cast, or even just to the preview.

Get this girl’s headshots ready. There’s a summer thriller with her name on it.

Now, again, I don’t speak Portuguese at all, but here’s what I imagine the judge is saying just before this tiny monster begins to perform her Lady Gaga abomination: “Are you ready to devour the souls of the wicked? Yeah? What’s your costume made of? The bones of fornicators? The sinew of thieves? Great! My chair’s made of human skeletons. Well, break a leg!”

Then she does in sort of a Milton’s Paradise Lost kind of way.

Childrens’ pageants always make me think of that Mr. Show sketch about the pre-natal pageant; where they refer to the four-year-old as the “old baby,” and they talk to the in utero cosmetologist who gives the fetus makeup and plastic surgery. Classic.

This happens to be real, though. Start the apocalypse. We should all be ready by now.

Damn.


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Boing boing, uh, boing. And, boing boing.

by James on Feb.15, 2010, under actual celebrity, who cares, you can't turn away

Bicha MudaI’m sure this transvestite sounds great in other interviews. I’m sure she just had a cold or something. Als0, I don’t speak a word of Portuguese, even though it’s apparently a romance language like Spanish, but I’m pretty sure she’s saying the same things over and over to each question.


“Who are you wearing this evening?”
“Boing boing.”
“What inspired you to be a superstar?”
“Uh, boing boing, and boing. Oh! And, boing boing.”

Don’t get me wrong; be whoever you want to be.  I’m all for the freedom of personal expression.

But.

If you’re going to do an interview on television, just maybe wait until your oestrogen, progesterone, or your ethinyloestradiol or whatever vocal chord scraping you’re having done as started working. Just an idea. Also, maybe learn to speak the language you’re being interviewed in.


Or have C3-PO translate for you while you say the same things over and over.
“…Because he’s holding a thermal detonator!”

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Just when your addiction died down

by James on Feb.11, 2010, under actual gadget, kids today

The Complex gets a gut rehab

Dyslexics of the world! Untie! The old Goldeneye for Nintendo 64 gets a source code overhaul using the physics engine from Half Life 2. Bond has never looked better.

Remember the crows’ nest in the complex where you could be virtually invincible? Look how much better it looks! Remember how you’d fall asleep and all your dreams had a hand holding a gun in the foreground? Now that Klobb will look awesome!  Remember how you grew up in Texas, and therefore spoke fluent Spanish as a child but because of this game you couldn’t get even a C on a Spanish exam in college? Oh.

I feel like one of these days, a programmer is going to accidentally discover the Grand Unified Theory of Physics while programming physics engines for games. It’ll be some dude’s job to streamline 300 lines of physics algorithms into 50 lines, and he/she will accidentally reconcile Einstein’s Relativity with Quantum Mechanics. That’s how good this mod looks. They keep calling it a “source mod” on the site, but it doesn’t look source anymore.

But. Even if it had looked this good when it came out, it would still be bad form to play as Oddjob. Who throws a shoe, I mean, honestly?

Check out the site, and the trailer below. Try not to have flashbacks.



Videos & Audio – GoldenEye: Source Mod for Half-Life 2 – Mod DB

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