Tag: win

I ❤ Asian Television

by James on Apr.07, 2010, under kids today, who cares

If you wait until this kid gets to the singing part, around 1:00, and stick with him until he really gets into it, 2:00, you’ll feel just like you were back in the 9th grade making out with Bethany Wilson in the dark at Judy Haynes’ birthday party.

I wish there was some sort of blind listening contest you could do with this clip. Let someone tell you it’s Whitney Houston’s daughter singing, or something. You would totally believe it until you saw the Thai Jackie Gleason in the tuxedo.

Also note: he clearly says “Whitney Houston, ‘I will always love you,’” which we all know is true, but the title card says “Dolly Parton.” We all look alike to them, too. I knew it. They can’t even tell black folk from white folk.

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Just when your addiction died down

by James on Feb.11, 2010, under actual gadget, kids today

The Complex gets a gut rehab

Dyslexics of the world! Untie! The old Goldeneye for Nintendo 64 gets a source code overhaul using the physics engine from Half Life 2. Bond has never looked better.

Remember the crows’ nest in the complex where you could be virtually invincible? Look how much better it looks! Remember how you’d fall asleep and all your dreams had a hand holding a gun in the foreground? Now that Klobb will look awesome!  Remember how you grew up in Texas, and therefore spoke fluent Spanish as a child but because of this game you couldn’t get even a C on a Spanish exam in college? Oh.

I feel like one of these days, a programmer is going to accidentally discover the Grand Unified Theory of Physics while programming physics engines for games. It’ll be some dude’s job to streamline 300 lines of physics algorithms into 50 lines, and he/she will accidentally reconcile Einstein’s Relativity with Quantum Mechanics. That’s how good this mod looks. They keep calling it a “source mod” on the site, but it doesn’t look source anymore.

But. Even if it had looked this good when it came out, it would still be bad form to play as Oddjob. Who throws a shoe, I mean, honestly?

Check out the site, and the trailer below. Try not to have flashbacks.

Videos & Audio – GoldenEye: Source Mod for Half-Life 2 – Mod DB

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Technology Ruins Another Pastime

by James on Feb.11, 2010, under actual gadget, kids today

the game controlled by screamingIf screaming worked on all games, I know a few gamers who’d be dead. Gnilley is an Australian game prototype where enemies are destroyed by screaming. The angrier you scream, the faster the baddies get dispatched.  Developed by Glen Forrester (a.k.a. Radix) for Sydney’s Game Jam 2010, the concept started as being about “pitch and color” but eventually dissolved into “yelling at everything.”

Some game aspects are controlled simply by the volume of your voice–walls may disappear, doors unlock–but enemies must be screamed at. And angrily.

The video demonstration below is hilarious. Wait at least until the giant rabbit boss fight at about 1:30.

Usually when I yell at games, I simply want to know “why.” WHY, GAME? How is that guy still alive! I threw a grenade right next to him!

This game will be good for people like this kid I knew in jr. high, who used to get so angry, he’d put the old NES controller brick in his mouth and bite it. Like an angry German shepherd grabbing a fleeing criminal’s arm. It was kind of astounding. He also liked to burn things.

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Something new and different

by James on Jan.19, 2010, under colossal waste of time

whiteboards are boring

And expensive

There was a dude on my hall senior year whose door was just as completely covered from top to bottom, but with parking tickets. That’s the only clever thing I can think of that compares to this photo. Despite the logistics necessary to make the completed mosaic turn out actual size, it would cost hundreds of dollars in printer ink. Not to mention hours and hours of printing.

You just gotta hope you got the right pose, and clone stamp out those zits.

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America might be catching on

by James on Jan.10, 2010, under open your eyes

Plot comparison between Avatar and Pocahontas

Below is some astute observer’s take on the similarity between the two films. It says fail, but not sure to whom the fail duly belongs. On the part of the screen writers? Or the nation of millions who keeps watching the same things over and over.

Let me simplify a movie’s plot for you and see if you can guess the film. Ready?

It’s a typical day-in-the-life of your average Joe/Jane. They’re going about their ordinary routine when suddenly, something extraordinary happens. This new thing changes their entire perspective. They try to resume their daily lives, but this new thing won’t allow things to go back to normal. Then, they realize something about this new thing has gone horribly wrong. They try and try to fix it, but at every turn they find only failure. When they feel like they’ve reached their lowest point, they do the one thing they never thought possible of themselves, and they, and the audience learns a valuable lesson.

Sound familiar? That’s the plot of every Hollywood-produced movie ever. Try to make your favorite movie fit this mold. You’ll succeed every time.

Nice work, Matt Bateman, at failblog.org. I agree with your humble opinion. You’ve succeeded in pointing out the simple fact that 90% of America’s movie audiences are part of one gigantic fail.

please summarize pocahontas?

pocahantas plot summary?

Avatar is Miyazaki for meatheads.” – J. Hilgart

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